When talking about teen issues, the most common excuse I hear adults using is the term peer pressure... this seems to be the reason for everything?! It is never their son or daughter?? But peer pressure is to blame, other peoples' kids....so who do these kids who are providing all the pressure belong to? Other adults. And around and around we go!

I think peer pressure is a load of bullocks, I am not saying it doesn't exist, but I think it only applies in a small minority of cases. I personally never experienced it, in fact I experienced the opposite. If I didn't want a smoke or a drink...peoples attitudes were great! more for them! There was no pressure from others, only myself to find somewhere I belonged, to be loved for who I am. I guess for me to feel loved was enough, as I didn't feel like I could find anyone like me, I was in too much of a hurry, in the fear of missing out, and I was lonely. So I hung out with all that would have me and adjusted my personality to fit in and did like they did.

To ask who decides how and why that group acts the way it does is fascinating, it usually is one or two strong personalities who have similar values (possibly being closer to who they are) and the rest accommodating to be like them. Why the hell do some of us not split when it is clear that we have different values? Fear of being alone. And that isn't a teenage condition, that is a human one.

I think there is a perception that there is a bigger divide between a teenager and adult than is true...the only thing that separates us is a few years of experience. In those years some of us adults have found who we are and have found our way in the world, we have learnt to solve problems, live with ones we can't fix and found our sense of belonging as who we are. You would have to be wandering around with your eyes closed to not see that there are adults that still haven't been able to get this far, and many of them are parents themselves. It isn't a wonder why our teens are struggling to understand, when so many parents themselves don't see it and yet live it everyday.

If you ask me teens/people are just looking for a sense of belonging - we see evidence of this every day with sports, clubs, community groups, religious groups, gangs, street racing, EMO or even with many creating their own families. It's just harder when you're a teen, because you are evolving at such a great pace and you've had less years of experience working out who you are and what you are want. It is fair to say that you are sampling the world.

When you are an adult, the most important thing that happens is you finally have 100% control over your life. Parents no longer can tell you what to do. Well they still do, but they aren't ones that decide. And things start to slow down a bit and you can sort of catch up with yourself, look back over the years and decide what you liked and what you didn't, discover your own right and wrong without having live with your parents values, which quite often are very different to your own.

I am not saying there isn't pressure, there is! It is f*cken huge and there isn't a person who has lived through teen years that will tell you otherwise. But it doesn't come from a peer group, it comes from ourselves. So the good news is even as a teen, that is one thing you do have control over.